This is probably one of the most impactful and important moments I’ve had in this lifetime so far…
A whole new level of bliss and understanding has just opened up. It’s all been because of a potentially life-changing level of “remembrance”—a more complete experience of being Divinity in every moment, across all time, space and dimension. I’ve intellectually known this for a while, but clearly not fully embodied it before, because the results seem immediately miraculous.
Read the story of my experience below to find out why this is so exciting… not just for me, but for many people who’s behaviour and emotional health (indeed our WHOLE experience to some extent) has been driven by deeply rooted subconscious suffering.
But first, some background…
I’ve had a colourful past that included many painful memories. I’ve experienced long periods of deep depression and even been suicidal on numerous occasions. Initially diagnosed with clinical depression by one doctor and bipolar disorder by another, I’ve tried many things (both helpful and harmful) to try to escape the mess in my mind.
In the last decade or so though, I’ve learned a lot of really helpful ideas to deal with depression, improve my health and get my life on track (which are all in my book “The Journey Back to Bliss“). These have kept me alive and helped me manage my emotional health—even bringing a relatively consistent flow of happiness back into my experience—which is amazing in itself compared to what my life used to look and feel like.
However, whilst my life is predominantly good these days, there always seemed to be a missing piece of the puzzle because there would be certain painful memories that I just couldn’t seem to let go of, and I knew they were driving some of my behaviours and holding me back, to some degree or another, of really experiencing the consistent fullness of what my life could be.
Basically, despite the amazing changes in my life, there were times when it was still a struggle.
After developing a strong base of basic, helpful practices, I had also tried to practice new approaches to personal memory reconsolidation (a psychological understanding of “re-filtering” old memories so they don’t subconsciously drive unhelpful behaviours anymore):
- “Cutting the cord” technique; mentally, emotionally and spiritually disconnecting from old relationships and moments.
- Reframing: acknowledging that events are meaningless within themselves (other than the meaning we give them) and then mentally assigning new meaning to certain experiences.
- Using Christie Marie Sheldon’s “clear and transmute” technique.
- Developing a deeper awareness of our highest self—Divine Love—a state which holds no fear, no struggle, no pain.
These techniques ALL helped to a certain degree. In some cases they were “the answer”…. yet, in others, I still couldn’t seem to completely let go. And, as a result, there were still unhealthy behaviours that would resurface in my life from time to time.
The one I personally loved was the simplest: trying to become aware of our inherent nature—our ultimate position—as one with Divine or Perfect Love (I used the word ‘perfect’ to help my mind differentiate between all the other sorts of ideas that are unfortunately also assigned to the word ‘love’). This led me to a mantra I would often say whenever I faced a fearful or painful moment or memory: “I am Perfect Love”.
So, getting back to my story, here’s what happened:
Last night, as an uncomfortable memory arose during meditation, I closed my eyes and said my mantra “I am Perfect Love”… Nothing happened at first, but then I found myself instinctively commanding “I am Perfect Love in this memory” and immediately it began to dissolve like ice in a cup of hot water. I couldn’t believe it. For the first time I was not only seeing, but actually experiencing these moments from the perspective of the timeless Watcher rather than re-experiencing the memory as if I was that old version of me… and in some sort of subtle vision, I could see the whole memory begin to turn and collapse in on itself. I found there was a dreamlike softness coming over the whole scene.
It was transforming from sadness and self-hatred to something without any of that hardness or pain. It seemed like it was actually deconstructing and detaching it’s destructive claws from my psyche. All the reasons to keep that memory locked down and hidden away were completely dissipating.
Excited, I began to bring into consciousness as many memories and moments in time as I could—repeating the new mantra each time… and soon all these once-painful memories seem to be rapidly swirling around and disappearing into nothingness. As the revelation of actually being Divinity across all time—in every moment—more fully sunk in, I felt the process was doing its own work; dissolving all delusion and disconnection across all time, space and dimension…. across all lifetimes even.
Then, suddenly everything became completely still…
My mind was empty and I was left in an absolute and blissful state of presence. Quickly, I drifted off into a very peaceful sleep. Even in my dreams I found I was “playing” in places and times that had once held only anguish for me. It was almost shocking and perhaps a little confusing, because it was so foreign to me to be able to find anything other than heartache in those memories previously. But still, there it was. Divine Love.
This morning I awoke to the subtle feeling of deeply calm spaciousness… It’s as if there is simply a whole lot less “stuff” getting in the way of my experience of Self.
As I try to revisit old memories—curious as to whether this was just some fanciful imagining—I find them all to be as a soft dream, with the words of my new mantra echoing quietly in the background.
It’s like sand now; I can pick it up to look more closely for a moment but it soon falls through my fingers. The sharp pain of these moments is nowhere to be found. Instead, I find the Self as Divine Love: seated, silent, warmly smiling, watching from the perspective of perfection and wholeness.
I’ve experienced bliss before, but now I can’t wait to see what it’s like to experience the real fullness of life—the true buoyancy of our inherent nature—without ever being dragged down or held back by the weight of my past again.
For me, this is nothing short of miraculous.
But it’s not enough to just “say the words”, so how did I get here? And, much more importantly, how can I help YOU get here—to this place of loving bliss, this playground of possibility, this state of incredible buoyancy?